To my big sister Evelyn.
You were like a mom to me. You were the best sister ever!!!
You used to take me to the playground, to the cinema, for coffee with your friends… We were playing hide and seek and you always let me win. You taught me how to put on makeup and many other girlish things. You were always helping me with my homework even if you were tired.
You wanted to be a model. You could have been. You were gorgeous!
You were tall and thin. When you were 15 years old you started telling us that you had to lose weight. In the beginning our parents didn’t pay any attention to you. You stopped eating junk food, drinking cola and eating chocolate. After a while, you reduced the amounts of food you were consuming. Our parents began to worry about you. They were telling you that you must start eating normally again. You couldn’t stand listening to them. Our parents and I were afraid. You were losing pounds quickly.
After a year you were skin and bones. Our parents had consulted psychologists in order to learn how to approach you. They took you to some of them but you were not cooperative. Our parents, our relatives, your teachers, your friends, your doctors, all of us were trying to save you but you didn’t listen to us at all. Our lives were a nightmare. You were unable to see how you really looked like! You were like a skeleton and you thought you were fat!
Your body was collapsing… You couldn’t even walk anymore. You were hospitalized. Only then, only when you saw yourself lying in that bed with all these tubes inside your body, you realized how serious the situation was.
At last, you realized you were suffering from anorexia nervosa and you wanted to live! You wanted to fight for your life!
You started trying to eat. You wanted to be normal again! I was happy that you finally realized that you had become a sick person. Our parents were happy too.
Your organs were damaged and your body was not strong enough to keep you in life.
I still remember that scene. My father and I were at the hallway and your doctor came close to us and he said “Mr. Allen, I would like to speak to you in private.” They left together and went to the doctor’s office. Dad stayed to his office more than 1 hour. When he returned, he looked like as if he had seen a ghost. I knew that something very bad was going on. Four days later, I learned what it was….
You were afraid and you didn’t want us to leave the room. I remember three days before you die, you were crying and screaming that you didn’t want to die. Your voice still sounds in my ears: “Please mom, I don’t want to die! Don’t let me die!” A nurse came then and she gave you a tranquillizer. I was petrified.
The last two days you had your eyes closed. You were alive but you couldn’t move at all. I was too young to understand that you were dying. Suddenly, you made a strange sound as if you cried and our parents were calling out your name. A nurse grubbed me and took me to another room. She told me that you were just fine. I knew that was not true but I wanted to believe her.
Our father walked into the room. He was in a mess. He took me home without saying anything. I didn’t ask anything because I was afraid of the answer. When we arrived at home, our aunt Helen was there. She hugged me and she told me that everything was going to be ok.
Nothing was ok. I never saw you again! Our parents didn’t let me come to the funeral because I was too young…
Now I am not sharing my bedroom with you anymore. Your bed isn’t here anymore. Instead of it, it’s a huge rabbit. You loved rabbits.
I want to see you again. I want to say how much I love you!!! None of us laughs anymore, we are sad and desperate to see you, to hold you, to kiss you!
I miss you Evelyn….
With all my love,
Your little Penny.
Name / Oνοματεπώνυμο: Evelyn Allen Father's Name / Όνομα πατρός: PeterMother's Name / Όνομα μητρός: KathyAddress / Διεύθυνση: London, U.K.Birth Place / Μέρος γέννησης: Birmingham, U.K.Birthday / Ημερομηνία γέννησης: 09-01-1984Occupation / Επάγγελμα: studentCause of Death / Αιτία θανάτου: Anorexia nervosaAge / Ηλικία: 17 years oldDeath Place / Μέρος θανάτου: London. U.K.Death Date / Ημερομηνία θανάτου: 21-09-2001